Sitting in front of me was Chelsea. I should say Chelsea had been caught and now was sitting in front of me. She had been avoiding me for weeks and I finally saw her during a Wednesday night outreach program. ”Chelsea, I have been your discipleship leader for a couple years now and all of the sudden things are very different with you, do you want to talk about what is going on?”
“Nothing”
“Well, I see it differently. See, I heard from another leader that you were seen doing drugs. You want to talk about that?”
“Nope”
We talked for quite some time. We talked about God’s love for her, His forgiveness and grace. We talked about my love for her and my willingness to walk along side her. She eventually confessed to me that she had started using meth on a fairly regular basis. Her parents had no idea.
“Chelsea, I love you enough to tell you that what you have told me scares me. We need to tell your parents…you need to tell your parents. This is a big deal and if you don’t tell them, I will. You have 24 hours.”
“I hate you”
“Yeah well, I love you”
Two days later I had a rough conversation with Chelsea’s mom about her daughter’s drug use, as Chelsea chose not to tell her mom and I had to follow through on my threat. Through many months, we met with the Student Ministries Lead Pastor. He took over the bulk of the counseling and they also chose a Christian counselor who specialized in drug addiction. Chelsea had periods of freedom and backslides into sin.
A few years after I had moved to Idaho I received a phone call. Chelsea’s temptations were strong and she ended up overdosing.
I wish that I could tell you that all confrontations end with hugs and kisses and reconciling sinners, but they do not. That is the sad truth. We could roll around wrestling with the why?, but that is not our question. It is a lesson in trust. What I learned is that I am no more responsible for Chelsea’s ongoing temptations anymore than I am the reason Kennedy returned to her husband. I am used by God, but I am not Him. A lesson in trusting the One who knows all the things I cannot see. I find Philippians’s peace in knowing that Chelsea learned about God’s love through me.
2 Timothy 4:7 ”I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.”
I rest in this Scripture. I have fought the good fight. I love that Paul uses the “good” fight. Not every fight. Not the provoking fights. Not all the fights I am sure to win. Nope, the good fights.
I pray constantly for the wisdom to fight the good fights.
I don’t mean for this to end on a sad note, but a realistic one.
Find strength to do what you need to do knowing that whether it ends in tears of joy or tears of sorrow, you have fought the good fight.
Heavy stuff, but necessary. I sure hope that you received something through this, I feel so blessed to be able to share some of what God and I have journeyed through together. My mind is turning to brighter topics….maybe encouragement or joy!
